No Longer Broken

This morning seems so different, as I began to awaken from sleep my ears were what opened before my eyes. Off in the distance I could hear the sound of the mower. I ran my hand along his side of the bed, empty. Then I remember he said that he was going to get up early and cut the grass. My eyes slowly open to see the sun peaking through the cracks in our curtains. Excitedly I get out of bed going through the house opening up the curtains/blinds inviting the sunshine in.

Today is different, I can’t put my finger on exactly what it is, but, my level of expectancy is on high alert. There is an electric charge in the atmosphere. Joy is arising in me. Happiness is my portion. Sitting here just enjoying the stillness, tears just begin to well up in my eyes. I sigh a deep breath and release them. Not saying a word, this morning my tears are my prayers. 
I’ve said it before but it deserves to be repeated; after everything that we have been through, I never thought that I would smile again. I thought that the hurt would last forever. Moments turned into days, days into weeks and weeks into months. Now years have passed and today as I sit here ,I woke up and I am completely whole. No longer broken or defining myself by the events that have happened in the past. Not to downplay or diminish what has happened. But for us God has made all things new. 
Revelation 21:5 (ESV)
And he who was seated on the throne said, “Behold, I am making all things new.” Also he said, “Write this down, for these words are trustworthy and true.” 
Some say that time heals old wounds, well I give that glory to God. God has healed all my wounds. My trust is in the Lord who has made heaven and earth. 
I don’t know what you may be going through today but I know the one who heals, delivers and sets free. And He is faithful to do exactly what you will allow Him to do in your life. 
I wrote my first book over a year ago and have not been released to publish it, now, today I have been given the go ahead. It’s time to give birth. It’s time to push. 
Until next time shalom my friends.

Great Is His Faithfulness

I remember last year at this time I was so focused on getting what I want when I wanted it.
Exhausted much !?!? Yes! I was absolutely worn out. I was an emotional wreck. Explosive out bursts of tears, excessive sleeping, and isolating myself from everyone/everything.
But, this year I’m no where near where I was. I don’t feel sad or empty, I don’t feel like I’m missing something. It’s almost surreal. I think I’m content.

My husband and I are closer than we’ve ever been.
I no longer have a negative association with Christmas because it was around this time that our 1st baby moved to heaven.
For the first time since 2006 I’m excited about Christmas.

Don’t get me wrong I’ve been given every opportunity to feel sorry for myself. The enemy has tried to bring discouragement and depression. I just decided not to take it. I had to stand against it with The Word of God.

Getting up every morning praising God for His faithfulness. I open my curtains/blinds and let the brightness of the sun spill through my windows.

I still want to be a mommy more than anything. That hasn’t changed, I just made up my mind to trust God. It’s already done. It’s Finished! I’m no longer battling with when will it happen for me. It has already happened. I believe to see the goodness of The Lord in the land of the living.

I was holding onto my desire for children so tight, finally I can let them go and cast the care of them over onto Him. I understand now how Hannah could release Samuel. I get it. {Heavy Sigh}

I’m so thankful for where we are right now! I’m so grateful for everything we have been given. I’m just happy! I didn’t think I would ever be happy again. God has given me my joy back. 😄

Lamentations 3:23

New Living Translation
Great is his faithfulness; his mercies begin afresh each morning.